Trusting relationships – what makes, breaks and cultivates them?

Trust. It’s the foundation for strong teams, an empowering culture and customer satisfaction. We know it matters. But do we focus enough on building it – whether that’s with our people, customers or peers?

Setting up trusted relationships takes time, intention and work. So, in this blog, I’ll explore what I believe are the three most important elements in building and maintaining trust.

1. A space that feels safe

Trust begins in spaces where people feel safe. As leaders, we know this means creating psychologically safe spaces where people feel they can be themselves. Practically, this might look like:

• Providing clarity on what and who is welcomed in a space
• Addressing behaviour that is unacceptable – standing up for those who may not be in a current position to advocate for themselves
• Modelling being human, approachable and transparent.

Recently, I’ve found a new safe space that reminded me how powerful this clarity can be. I’ve always found car journeys with people I trust and who matter to me, great opportunities for sharing and developing. Weirdly there is no eye contact but it’s a safe space, I only ever do it with people I like and trust – and there is something about always looking forward too.

I have recently moved this into my walking world. A gentle, or even a more energetic, stroll in a place of beauty with someone who matters, can really aid the thinking and emotional body.

You might say that trust and safety are two sides of the same coin.

2. Perception of competence – repeated

Trust doesn’t happen overnight – it builds as we start to believe in someone’s skills, abilities, and values. I experienced this when I joined a group for chief executives many moons ago. At first, trust wasn’t immediate. But as I benefitted from the expertise and experience of particular individuals, my trust grew – and with it, the value I placed on their input. With this, my own willingness to be vulnerable and bring things to the table that people could help with, changed too.

In my experience, perception of competence and value is linked to how much you trust a person, place or brand. After all, perception is how brands are built.

My husband and I have just returned from a favourite spot in Cascais that we must have been to more than 15 times now. We keep returning because we trust it to consistently deliver what we need. Space, beauty, nourishment – for the body and the soul…

Whether it’s a place, person or partnership, trust is earned by repeated positive experiences that we can choose to create.

3. Showing care

Another essential ingredient that builds trust is showing we care. For instance, my mum has recently moved to an assisted living scheme at the age of 90. Whilst still being surrounded by familiar things and lifetime memories, what seems to have helped her to settle the most, is the gift of care – whether that’s from the onsite team, her lifelong friends or family members. The gift of care, made personal and genuine, really matters.

It might seem simple, but the impact of showing you care can be huge. It creates safety and trust.

Oh, and a word about personal values…

These three elements aren’t an exhaustive list of what sets up trusted relationships, but I reckon they are a good foundation. I think that, when we then layer them with what’s important to us, shared values count for a lot. For me, I also see that those I trust are creative – they think differently, they are insightful and, when needed, they respect my privacy. And they’ve shown me that over, and over and over. Turning up consistently in the same way, so I can feel confident of how they’ll show up next time for me. That’s key for me.

Your list might be different, but if you look at your own relationships, you’re likely to see your own themes emerge. What do you value in those closest to you?

As leaders, we can check in on how we’re doing at intentionally setting up trusted relationships with these three questions:

– Am I creating spaces where people feel safe to be themselves?
– Am I demonstrating competence and providing value in a way that connects and shifts perception?
– How do I show I care?

Finally, it’s important to remember that trusted relationships go both ways. Yes, we want to create them with people we lead and walk alongside. But we also need people in our own world who create them for us too. And alongside all this we have to learn to trust ourselves.